an unusually snowy winter
The tree out front had fallen in a storm
and still laid angrily and awkwardly
waiting to be attended to
Early in the morning
I was shaken from a deep sleep
by a deafening silence
Panic and disorientation knotted my gut
until I realized that the power
had been unceremoniously cut off
They warned us by letter
sometime last week but
between the stress of work
and dejected hopelessness of the situation
the message was mostly ignored
except for the nagging feeling of doom
that had become daily life
We went about our day
and reconnected that night
The crushing darkness made more profound
by the creeping feeling of cold
We ended up getting a generator
a small thing not meant for powering a house
to run a space heater and an igloo cooler
we managed to convert into a makeshift fridge
and chargers for our phones
the only connection to the outside world
Sometimes the cold was too much
risking torching our entire existence
we would light a fire
in a fireplace that wasn't at all up to code
consisting of paper trash
and damp remnants from the tree out front
The constant silence was maddening
and the generator had to rest
several times a day
I didn't shower for a month
smelling like burning paper and cold sweat
I'm sure people noticed
In the middle of another frozen night
I ate cold clam chowder from a can
and I remember thinking
This is what peak bullshit feels like
