Monday, April 23, 2012

Confessions: Part One

Part one of a series of writings to help people learn a bit more about me...
My husbandwife (yes, she is both) was born inter-sexed. I entered into the relationship knowing something was different about her, but wasn't sure what it was. In the beginning, she presented herself as a male. At birth she was gender assigned as male and was raised to believe that she was 100% physically a male. However, during puberty "he" started developing breasts. Her mother put her on male hormones, believing that developing breasts was a sign of some sort of defect. She only took the hormones for a few months but stopped once she realized what she was taking. For a long time (with the exception of performing in drag) she kept her female side a secret. This negatively impacted her relationships with women and with men. Women said she was not "man" enough, and men said that she was just trying to marginalize being gay by dressing up like a woman. When I met her, I was instantly attracted to her feminine qualities, which shined through even when she was living as a man. From a young age, I had found androgyny attractive and I was happy to have met someone at least somewhat androgynous in my small, ultra-conservative community. Honestly, I don't remember exactly when the whole subject about her dressing in female clothes came up, but I do know that we never really "discussed" the subject. As the relationship progressed, I did notice that we both liked sexy girl clothes (although I will admit I like them better on her). Even before we got married, I felt as if I was more of the "man" in the relationship and that it didn't really bother me. I grew up being a 100% tom-boy. My father ran a construction business and from a young age I felt more comfortable helping him work than sit around the house and play with dolls and kitchen sets. Before I met my wifehusband, I didn't really know how to cook or otherwise keep a house. I've gotten better, but I still am not as good at it as her. My relationships with traditional men were train wrecks because both of us were trying to be the "man." I am aroused by and enjoy heterosexual sex, to a point. I also enjoy having sex with a point. I always wished that I could combine the things I like about both and have them at the same time (yeah, I'm greedy.) Then, the most wonderful person in the world decided that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I'll admit, I have to get used to calling her female, as she spent the majority of our relationship being male in public but other than the public switch, things aren't different. There was no revelation of "I want to be a girl," I always knew that. People in general didn't and if they don't like it, oh well. I have found the perfect person, the perfect human being, for me.