Wednesday, June 30, 2010

A Mothers Tears

Another repost from my other blog...enjoy!

The rain fell silently, soaking through the moonless night and chilling it to the core. It was one of those nights that drove people indoors to cuddle up with each other and converse in the language of love. On nights like these, life stops for a moment and all that is cold and lonely falls away, replaced by an inner peace that can only be described as heaven on earth. The deepest cold brought out the warmest joy and all that was wrong in the world faded away as people fell asleep embraced by something more powerful than the storm. As the rain fell, people held their comforts close,afraid of what might happen if everything was suddenly ripped away. The sad irony is while people are comforted by the closeness that the cold brings, they are also afraid of its tendrils that lie in wait threatning all that they hold sacered.
While the city lost itself in slumber, a few stragglers wandered through the darkness. They were the untold element of the city, the part that was swept under the rug and excluded from conversation. They were the people that affirmed the status quo and reassured the masses that everything was just fine the way it was. On that cold, wet, September night, one girl wasn't thinking about status quos or governments or the machines they managed. She wasn't thinking about the cold or the darkness. She was thinking about survival. A survival so profound and sublime that it extended beyond herself, beyond conciousness, beyond the capacity of human reasoning. It was beauty and necesity. It was the very meaning of life itself. Her survival had been threatened and then taken from her all in the name of due process and civil order. While the city slept hidden from the rain, the girl stood in the middle of it, fighting for something society forgot long ago.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Giving up...?

A person close to me has been struggling with feelings of depression for quite a while. It seems sometimes like he has given up on life in general. He gets a lot of crap because of his disablity, especially since it is one that can't be seen. Simple things to most are difficult for him and when people get angry with him for "screwing" things up it really hurts. I even catch myself getting angry when I know I shouldnt. It makes me feel awful when I don't know how to help. I know since I'm not living with it I can't begin to understand but I still want to do something. How do you let someone know that you haven't given up when they have given up on everything?

Friday, June 11, 2010

Late night thoughts...

It is 1 am...well a little bit after actually. I'm sitting here, alone with my thoughts. I end up being alone with my thoughts quite a bit thanks to the work I do. Tonight, I'm thinking about judging people. I've noticed lately that I am quick to call someone a jerk or an asshole. I have to stop myself and think are they really a jerk or are they just behaving badly? Is it an isolated thing or are they really that bad? I don't want to be guilty of casting stones because I know I am not without sin. I try my hardest but I am only human and am prone to lapses in judgement. Part of living in harmony is the establishment and respect of boundaries. Most of the time, the poor choices made by others does not cross into my boundary sphere. It makes me wonder exactly though how I should feel about the awful things people do to each other. I know it makes me sad but should it anger me too? Jesus taught tolerance and peace. In other places in the Bible it says we should obey the people God has put into power because they rule with Godly law. I don't see the actions of some of our leaders as godly at all. Is there a reason why God would put ungodly people in places where they would do the most damage? I pray quite a bit and I often find myself speaking to the Father because I am confused. His ways are not our ways, this I know but sometimes I wonder why our ways are so different. Maybe we were dropped here as an alien experiment. For all we know we could have been the product of an accident or a cosmic fart. No matter what though, I think that the creator of the universe dwells within every part of it and as consciously aware beings we are driven to understand our creator. Maybe focusing on this drive rather than succumbing to greed, or something equally as destructive, will bring us closer to the peace we seek.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Throwing the baby out with the bath...

The game of nationstates ( if anyone is interested) is a game that emulates real life. People in power dislike those who have an opinion that differs from theirs. The site is "at will" meaning any use is presumed to be "at will"; that is, the site and/or moderators are free to discharge individuals "for good cause, or bad cause, or no cause at all," and the user is equally free to cease using the site. In playing this game (and getting terminated from the site in accordance to this at will relationship) it made me painfully realize how screwed up this idea is. The idea is one that had roots in logic so that rule breakers could be dismissed without fear of punishment. Of course though, there are those that abuse this type of relationship. Is there a way to fix it? I wonder if there is a way, by putting enough minds together, something can be logically and peacefully done about the illogical way the innocent get treated because of the necessity of punishing the guilty.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dark Forest magic the gathering deck

A work in progress...this is what I could build with the cards I have right now. As I test it and get more cards I'll update. I'll put my other decks on here too :-D NERD POWER!

10 [DDE] Swamp (2)
10 [CHK] Forest (2)

// Creatures
1 [LE] Smokespew Invoker
1 [ST] Hollow Dogs
1 [FUT] Cutthroat il-Dal
1 [8E] Maggot Carrier
1 [7E] Gorilla Chieftain
1 [CHK] Villainous Ogre
1 [GP] Poisonbelly Ogre
2 [MI] Restless Dead
1 [DK] Bog Rats
1 [LRW] Nectar Faerie
1 [CS] Zombie Musher
1 [ON] Anurid Murkdiver
1 [MM] Bog Smugglers
1 [UL] Giant Cockroach
1 [JU] Nullmage Advocate
1 [5E] Grizzly Bears
1 [7E] Giant Spider
1 [MR] Wurmskin Forger
1 [CHK] Moss Kami
1 [CHK] Order of the Sacred Bell
1 [US] Treetop Rangers
1 [8E] Elvish Pioneer
1 [ON] Wirewood Elf
1 [4E] Ironroot Treefolk
2 [10E] Rushwood Dryad
1 [PY] Pygmy Razorback
1 [DK] Scavenger Folk
1 [9E] Craw Wurm
1 [GP] Gruul Scrapper
1 [SC] Woodcloaker
2 [DS] Tel-Jilad Outrider
1 [FD] Tyrranax
1 [JU] Centaur Rootcaster
1 [CHK] Orochi Ranger
1 [MR] Fangren Hunter

// Spells
1 [IN] Recover
1 [ON] Aphetto Dredging
1 [OD] Morgue Theft
1 [ON] Swat
1 [TO] Restless Dreams
1 [TO] Waste Away
1 [TSP] Assassinate
1 [SH] Death Stroke
1 [A] Paralyze
1 [BRB] Sandstorm
1 [MI] Binding Agony
1 [6E] Fatal Blow
1 [B] Fear
1 [7E] Giant Growth
1 [IN] Whip Silk
1 [DK] Venom
1 [5E] Venom
1 [7E] Stream of Life
1 [PY] Jolrael's Favor
1 [US] Lull
1 [MR] Journey of Discovery
1 [ST] Natural Spring

Repost of Dream Journal 3-27-2010

This is a dream I had written down on 3/27. I put it on facebook but decided to repost here for everyone to see...Ive been accused of having a vivid imagination lol. I hope you all enjoy this foray into my strange mind :)
It was pitch black, the kind of dark that makes you think twice about being outside. I glanced in the review mirror as a whisp of an exasperated and nervous sigh escaped into oblivion. I asked myself, "what the hell am I doing here?", a mantra to go along with the intermitant tap of my finger on the steering wheel. I suddenly felt the chill of the night air through to my core as my phone sprung to life. The text gave me a place to go. I checked the review mirror again and started on my way. Was that someone behind me? As I drove, I saw the lights getting closer. I pushed my car harder and harder and the lights got closer and closer. I felt my car start to give and the check engine light came on. I could smell smoke and the heat suddenly washed over me as I felt the other car hit my rear bumper. I heard a thunder clap and my vision went white...and then I woke up in my bed as my alarm started to sound.

I watch way too much Sci Fi...Dream Journal 6/3/2010

I found myself in a large structure. From the view I can tell it is some sort of control tower. Various alarms are going off all around me and I can see from what looks like a radar screen that we are surrounded by a large number of red dots but not a lot of green ones. There was an old man, military type, barking orders through a PA microphone. I had hardly registered where I was when I saw a missile, one of OUR missiles, crash right into the side of our building. Everything erupted in chaos. In the confusion I made my way to a helicopter pad. Rows and rows of choppers in various states of repair and function surrounded me on all sides. I saw a woman directing orders in the middle of the confusion. I walked up to her almost impulsively and asked her, "Do you need a gunner?" She pointed at a helicopter that was about to take off. I ran and jumped into the back seat. The pilot took off without a word. As soon as we were in the air, we were surrounded on all sides by alien creatures. They were about 4 feet across wingtip to wingtip. They had 8 claws down the side of each "wing" and had very large stingers at the end of short tails. They seemed to be dripping a slimy clear liquid from what looked like a gaping mouth filled with pointy black teeth. They attached themselves to the sides of the helicopters and started ripping away metal and melting it with the slimy liquid. I watched several choppers go down in flames as I shot as many aliens as I could out of the air with the rear and forward guns. Suddenly an alien burrowed through the side of my helicopter and attached itself to me. I tried to fight it off as it latched onto me with its claws and started stinging me. Thats when I woke up...