Thursday, December 30, 2010

Total Limbo

I'm waiting for my financial aid refund to come through.

All of my nervous energy, all of my insomnia, all of my obsessive internet crawling can be blamed on this one simple fact. At the beginning of the month, it was easy to accept brokeatude because the day when I would no longer be broke was so far away. It was past Christmas and past the new year so I put it in the back of my brain and tired to make a few extra beans here and there. I did get a day of work and mom and dad did generously give this Christmas, which is probably what saved me from total insanity.

I want to do better this term in school. Having to drop a class really irritated me, especially since I know I could have made up the work I missed. New term, new opportunity though.

Another thing I want to get going is my mixing. I may not go far or be super famous at it or anything but the sheer fact that I can do it is therapeutic. I would love to play to a crowd, and I get the feeling that I'll get the chance to if I apply myself. I think though that I'll start feeling better as soon as I start messing with a set of decks. Through everything, spinning tracks has always made me really happy.

But I have to wait for money. Which is fine really but at the same time incredibly frustrating. This whole month has been a lesson in patience and trusting the ebb and flow of the universe. I'm starting to get it but I'm still kept up at night.

I'll get through, I always do somehow.

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