Today is the autumn equinox. It is a special day for a lot of reasons. I try to celebrate the change seasons and connect with the special energy of the day. After a tough but productive conversation, this pigeon landed on me. I feel like it was a sign of better things on the horizon. I'm hoping that the world in general is going to begin to heal. Maybe this is just a sign of personal healing. I can hope for better things for all of us, though.
Today is painful too. I recently lost someone I know to a demon I could have easily lost myself to. I'm thinking about my dear friend who I lost long ago to the same demon. I'm constantly exposed to things that trigger my ptsd. In a few days, it will be the day of Nina's birth and death. I nearly died. I wanted to die, if I'm being honest. The following years were brutal and a struggle. Eventually, I turned it around. I did have help and I am so grateful for that. I'm still healing, though.
The hurt feels like less of an open wound and more of a broken bone set in a cast. It hurts like a motherfucker and it is kind of itchy too. With everything going on, I suppose I can't be too hard on myself but I still feel guilt over a lot of things. I wish I could confess them all...but I'm not there yet.
Today is blessed. I have to focus on that and the healing journey that always begins with the change of seasons.
