The breaking dawn assaulted my brain through a thin shield of weary eyelid. I tried to close my eyes harder, vainly attempting to ward off the headache that tickled the edges of my consciousness. What did I do last night?
“You really know how to crash a party,” her voice was all around me, outside of myself yet internal.
Her lips pressed against mine before the thought could escape. The kiss was violent, controlling, dominating. It wanted me to exist only for it and I found it impossible to say no.
“No talking.” She pressed her finger against my lips while pulling me out of bed. I was naked but I didn’t remember why. I stood in silence as she threw clothes around the room. She was hauntingly beautiful and achingly innocent in appearance. Her elfin frame and soft, golden eyes hid a presence that wasn’t quite evil but it wasn’t up to any good either. A sliver of sunlight was working it’s way through the darkness. I could have suggested opening the curtains but I somehow knew that it wouldn’t be appreciated.
“Get fucking dressed.” She threw a pair of jeans and a t-shirt at my head. They felt alien, part of some other reality that was lost to time. “I said get fucking dressed!”
I obeyed, not through any will of my own but through an external force I couldn’t quantify or explain. The next thing I knew we were walking down a dimly lit street. Our destination wasn’t apparent but it didn’t really need to be. In a maze of flashing lights and deafening bass, we ended up trapped in a room crowded with sweating bodies and a million different types of drugs.
I was drunk. I was high. I was blissfully unaware that I was being paraded about like some sort of freak show. Maybe I was aware of it and I didn’t care.
We were back at her apartment again. My self respect and dignity fell to the floor as she tore off my clothes. Everything about her screamed control. As her hands consumed my body, I felt like the only thing I could do, the only thing I was allowed to do, was submit.
“Tell me you love me.”
I tried but I couldn’t find the words. I knew she wasn’t going to accept silence as an answer. One hand went deeper inside me and the other wrapped around my throat. I felt consciousness slipping slowly away. Was this what I wanted?
It didn’t matter. I knew I was never going to tell her no.