I am feeling emotional in a totally undefineable way. I can feel so deeply and profoundly but I can't put a name to it or even really describe it. I suppose there is value in trying. It is a journey rather than a destination.
Sadness is definitely in the mix. There's also an exhausted sense of dejection mixed with the feeling of a boot pressing down on the very pit of my soul. At the same time, I feel joy. There are things that are so beautiful and so wonderful, the thought of them almost make me weep with happiness. Everything is a swirling mass of raw emotion with no language attached.
I suppose this is partly what has been itching my subconscious. My dreams have been imageless, yet broody. I feel an emotional reaction but there is absolutely no context. It would be easier if I could attach images to what I was feeling. If there was a narrative to play back and analyze.
Maybe the narrative is just an interpretation. Maybe it would cloud the true message. Maybe my brain has absolutely no idea how to interpret what I'm feeling. Maybe that is okay.
I'm feeling so lost in the midst of profound clarity. Caught in a hall of mirrors staring at reflections of reflections. Nothing is real yet everything is painfully real.
I wish I had better words.
