is the voice of a gentle man
a holy man both in word and deed
Even as a newly emergent life
I could feel his connection to God
he was there to guide me
back to the creator energy from where I came
but the universe had other plans
I've stood in that place
several times since
even though I could just slip away
the overpowering whim of self preservation
takes control and subconsciously
I fight for every single breath
while I'll live every moment as if it's my last
pretending that every meal is the last
every conversation lingering
meaningful because it could be the last
I fantasize about killing myself
taking agency over a thing
that I don't really control
because deep down I know
when it ends there won't be preamble
some grandiose event or even a warning
I'll just stop
flicker out like a candle
Maybe I obsess because lately
it seems like I'm constantly touched
by some sort of loss
painfully aware of the fragility of it all
Maybe I'm just tired
of seeing my own death in my dreams
Maybe it's just noise
