Depression has a foothold
on the shores of my innermost thoughts
Partial sun trying to cut through the gloom
an allegory of how happy I am
even though I ache with sadness
Everything seems out of focus
a subtle blur of vision
that might not even be real
but it feels real enough
I feel like screaming at the sky
while simultaneously wanting and wishing
I could sink completely into myself
The great mother, she comforts me
loving me even though the season is harsh
Dark winter always giving way
to the eternal warmth of spring
Yet I am tempted so tempted
to give up on myself
to give into that nagging urge
of self destructive behavior
even though I'm already killing myself
just slowly and in not so obvious ways
I love life, don't get me wrong
it is that back and forth
That keeps me walking forward
hoping for another breath another heartbeat
just so I can experience once more
