It was the perfect crime
I could stay the night
Innocent socialization between two friends
Of course people knew
Her parents were blissfully unaware
Mine didn't really care
As long as I wasn't out causing trouble
Even though I was
just nothing obvious
I'm not sure why I was so caught up
Feelings choking my limited experience
I like to think she loved me
Even though we were both young and stupid
I like to think I wasn't just an experimental experience
Even though she told me I was
Maybe she said it because she was hurting too
The sting occupies a part of my spirit still
Even though I know it was a mutual situation
I don't regret any of it it
The awkward sexual encounters
While her parents slept
Too intoxicated to ask
It was exhilarating because of the novelty
The rawness of unfamiliar physical contact
The complete unfamiliarity with the mystery of orgasam
When I think about it now
That wasn't why I hung around
I was in love with her presence
The way we cuddled in the dark
The heat of her body intertwined
The smell of her hair
I can conjure the memory
It bubbles up through my subconscious
Even though I'm glad she thinks I'm dead
Something about our first love affairs
Remain as tendrils in our hearts
This ache for the unobtainable perfection
Of situational memories
Wishing for the euphoria
Without all the trauma of mutual abuse
